| Into my own |
[Feb. 9th, 2006|09:51 am] |
Into My Own
(by Robert Frost..1917)
One of my wishes is that those dark trees,
So old and firm they scarcely show the breeze,
Were not, as 'twere, the merest mask of gloom,
But stretched away unto the edge of doom.
I should not be withheld but that some day
into their vastness I should steal away,
Fearless of ever finding open land,
or highway where the slow wheel pours the sand.
I do not see why I should e'er turn back,
Or those should not set forth upon my track
To overtake me, who should miss me here
And long to know if still I held them dear.
They would not find me changed from him they knew--
Only more sure of all I thought was true.
:::.<3...my favorite poet!!.::: |
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| ..gone? |
[Jan. 13th, 2006|09:11 am] |
| [ | I'm feelin |
| |  blank | ] |
On and on it seems to go, that you don't know what you've got till it's gone..
I caught myself trying to call jason the other day wow..
its like somewhere in me i think i can just call him and all the messy buisness
of the past year will just disolve, and he can make me feel better like he always
did in the past. but no, hes probly busy with his own life/new girlfriend. its so
weird really. ever sence i met him(hmm i was 15 i believe..wow almost 7 years ago)
..i honestly believed we were going to live happily ever after ect ect no matter
what happens. but...recently ive kinda realized thats not going to happen. its so weird
cause we broke up like almost 2 years ago!!! wow am i late. its like i knew it when we
broke up the last time. but like not really. well i knew, but i was ignoring the fact.
but now. now its plain as day. maybe i think thats why i tried to call him. scared me.
i think also jowen leaving. that played a role. probly stired up all the things i was ignoring.
hm. i feel like im just floating now. just floating. along.
...watch the sky for me, watch the night
il be there for u..in star light.
when ur feet touch the ground, il be..floating along.
watch the sky for me..tonight.
its weird the things u realize afterwards. |
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| kiyah.. |
[Nov. 6th, 2005|10:40 pm] |
| [ | I'm feelin |
| | blank | ] |
| [ | Track spinnin |
| | nbk "down 4 urs" | ] |
...it all just seems kinda downward spiralie
hmm..probly.
ahhhhhh!! this whole past week has been absolute and positive hell for me. Some sort of mix between anger and love and everything in between that literally tore my little fragile mentality in to itty bitty peices that i have the lovely task this week of putting back together. gr.
but yeah, he left sunday morning. and i suck and am the worlds worst person in the world...probly.
its so weird now that hes gone...hmm. weird is an understatement. gr. this feeling is so complicated.
ive come to the decision that my life is and will (probly) always be complicated and confusing. o well. at least things will always be interesting. some people say the things i do even for good reasons are the reasons im so stressed usually or why i have so many different problems usually to deal with..but...thats kinda just who i am, and i do everything for a reason. from being late to going to sleep, sounds simple but for me everything i do is all a part of a strategic plan. its just the way i think. my mind only thinks strategically while questioning everything making my mind also critical. so the type of mind and personality i have is strategically critical i guess.. hope that made sense to you guys..lol^^
anyway things kinda sorta suck right now, but above the normal suckage so everything should theoretically be "ok"..but not really. but then again thats just the whole "karis package deal"..gr
anyway i see new suns on my horizons and my glass is half full so i guess all is how it should be in mi vida loca. |
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| ..sigh |
[Oct. 26th, 2005|08:12 am] |
| [ | I'm feelin |
| |  crappy | ] |
| [ | Track spinnin |
| | DHT | ] |
dissapointment comes in so many different forms...
guys are just one of them. when am i gonna get used to that? |
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| I~b~clubbin |
[Oct. 10th, 2005|09:07 am] |
| [ | I'm feelin |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | Track spinnin |
| | "stay high" three 6 mafia | ] |
u people need to really come out...
~~~elizabeth an meee~~~
~~~me nick an peter~~~
~~~me an elizabeth again..tag team acción~~~
~~~bunch of guys i dont kno on the left then nick me an lam~~~ |
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| oo snap..! |
[Oct. 4th, 2005|11:47 am] |
| [ | I'm feelin |
| | bouncy | ] |
| [ | Track spinnin |
| | "diamonds on" Smithy | ] |
!!!Me at panache with elizabeth this past friday!!::
peopleeeee come check out panache on fridayyyyssssssss!!! |
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| ooooo..k |
[Oct. 3rd, 2005|01:20 am] |
| [ | I'm feelin |
| |  optimistic | ] |
u kno that feeling u get when you can feel your blood pulsing in your head..
like what ever emotion your feeling is also mixed with excitment so ur blood is rushing around ur head..
its like a light headed/ dizzy/ intoxicating/ pulsating feeling?
but its a good feeling because ur so excited?
thats how i just felt a second ago...
one more chance maybe??..in a few days?.take one more shot at it? one more attempt?
i dont think i have good chances though, but o well.worth a try right?
--if at first you dont succeed,
try try and try again! |
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| hm.. |
[Oct. 2nd, 2005|01:41 pm] |
| [ | I'm feelin |
| |  okay | ] |
| [ | Track spinnin |
| | fugees | ] |
ok...interesting weekend i think.
let see:
thursday elizabeth come over few more peoples..got drunk passed out got like 3 hours a sleep..then work.blahh
friday: so bored...was just gonna go to my friends apartment, but last minute got invited to panache...went there. was interesting. danced alot. met interesting people..ended up at five till it closed with lam and sonny, nice peeps..then went home and passed outtt x_x...somtimes when you think you got somthing, reality smacks u and it hurts..grrrrr.
saturday: was suposed to go to bills birthday party but poeple not answerin their phone so we went to saki...saki though had nooooo eye candy...o well look but dont touch right? nothin to look at tho. so just danced the whole night away with joye and elizabeth..weird guys kept tryin to dance with me..had to exspell them. i hate guys that cant really dance and just kind of hump my ass..lol
sunday: hey thats today!!!..maybe somthing interesting will happen right??..i think ima goin to dragonfly tonight..maybe i get to see denys!!! lol been a min. wonderin what that man up to. anyway hopefully my weekend will end good tonight.....work tomorow |
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| ~*::]=-rich or poor.. we all die-=[::*~ |
[Sep. 28th, 2005|10:25 am] |
| [ | I'm feelin |
| | okay | ] |
| [ | Track spinnin |
| | Cam'ron "killa cam" | ] |
...Pale Death, with impartial foot, knocks at the cottages of the poor and the palaces of kings. |
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| ...lookin |
[Sep. 27th, 2005|10:27 pm] |
| [ | I'm feelin |
| |  worried | ] |
ok so maybe im looking..
not exactly sure what it is...actually i think i know.
i have this preset image in my mind, but things never work out that way..
i dont know.
its all kinda saddish...hmm.
i guess il just keep searchin untill i find it.
faith right?..
maybe i will find it...
maybe i wount..
i should just try to be happy either way.
or at least more positive/relaxed about my situation. |
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| .....noir |
[Sep. 18th, 2005|01:47 pm] |
| [ | I'm feelin |
| | numb | ] |
im surounded by so many people..
and yet i still feel alone.
its weird to always be around friends
..yet still be alone.
i feel like im in this sea of people,
but im just getting washed out.
every one talks to me, and i talk back.
but the words i want to say never come out.
im screaming but no one hears me.
im like this dieing star ready to collapse on itself
become a black hole.
but stars can recycle themselves and not become black holes in space
can i recycle myself and not become a black hole?
i think i can.
but i dont know how to get past this alone feeling.
i feel like no one really "knows" me
not the real me.
just the person on the outside, making everything seem normal.
i am normal.
at least part of me is i guess. |
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| masque!!! |
[Sep. 15th, 2005|09:58 pm] |
| [ | I'm feelin |
| | amused | ] |
| [ | Track spinnin |
| | young bloods "presidential" | ] |
time for a lesson((lol^^)):
I am always out looking for THE BEST facial masks((masques whatever))..and believe me i have tried damned near all from ddf to clinque to physicians formula to neutrigena to rose to hea-bhab to so many i cant list them all here...but so far for my oil/acne prone skin one of the best masks is the avon srub/clay mask which they no longer make((damn avon for their catchy promotional products!!they get u hooked then they snatch it away!!))...and today i discovered a VERY VERY good mask for an amazing price((!!3.99!!). most the nasks i buy costs like 10-55$$ and most never do anything for my wack face. but this wow this is different!!and the cheapest yet..so tight. anyway its made by queen helene and i found out abut it online and decided to give it a try today. when i got to cvs i read the back and saw all the nessisary ingediants that make a really really good detoxifier/deeeeeeeep cleaning mask..it had kanolin!! glycerin...zinc oxide..and even SULFER!!((sulfer is the BEST for this purpose))...really good combination of the perfect ingrediants!!! most exspensive masks have a bunch of aromatic shit and only like one or two of the above so it makes them less effective. but anyway its the "mint julep masque" works greatttt!!..and the mint feels so good. my face feels sooooo freakin good. like heavenly 100%
anyway heres my observations:
Queen Helene MINT JULEP MASQUE!!!!!
Apply liberally!!
Be sure to rinse it all off!!
AHHHHH SO HEAVENLY*^^*
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| quiz time*^^* |
[Sep. 13th, 2005|10:25 am] |
| [ | I'm feelin |
| | bouncy | ] |
| [ | Track spinnin |
| | hikari | ] |
You are a warrior. You are a hero. You've got the
personality of a tiger. You're fast furious,
and OUT THERE. Always on the look-out for a new
challange, you are the born leader. People
admire your constant strength, energy, and
straight-to-the-top attitude. You're always
there to lend a helping hand when people are in
need. Do you need help? Never! You are in
complete control of yourself, and show it.
You're brave, and unbelievably tough. Rise to
the next challange, babe, you'll be there
before anyone else!
What Kind of Person are You? [beautiful anime pics, and lengthy details, as usual!]
brought to you by Quizilla
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You are a Samurai.
You are full of honour and value respect. You
are not really the stereotypical hero, but you
do fight for good. Just in your own way. For
you, it is most certainly okay to kill an evil
person, if it is for justice and peace. You
also don't belive in mourning all the time and
think that once you've hit a bad stage in life
you just have to get up again. It's pointless
to concentrate on emotional pain and better to
just get on with everything. You also are a
down to earth type of person and think before
you act. Impulsive people may annoy you
somewhat.
Main weapon: Sword
Quote: "Always do the right thing.
This will gratify some people and astonish the
rest" -Mark Twain
Facial expression: Small smile
What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You have a caring relationship. You two care for
each other, even with stupid faults you still
care for each other. Sure you fight alot but it
doesn't stop you from love him/her.
What kind or relationship will you likely end up with? -=Great pics!=-
brought to you by Quizilla
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You died of either old age or a sickness. You are a
kind person and are smart. You have a good head
on your shoulders. But don't think that just
because your death wasn't exciting or extreme
that that makes you boring.
How did you die in your past life? (for everyone)
brought to you by Quizilla
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
People see happiness in your eyes! You are most
likely a really awesome person who trys to
enjoy life. You can usually see the good in any
situation or person. You bring joy wherever you
go in life and probably have a really good set
of friends. But sometimes you may strive too
hard to be happy and may try to fool yourself
and others. In this case, it's not good to hold
in your feelings, and you should try to find
someone to talk to about what's bothering you
instead of covering it up. But, all in all you
usually get over these situations quickly and
can continue living life to its fullest! Go
you! ^_^
What can people see in your eyes?(great ANIME pics)((IMPROVED!!!))
brought to you by Quizilla |
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| -_-* |
[Sep. 9th, 2005|08:43 am] |
| [ | I'm feelin |
| | bouncy | ] |
| [ | Track spinnin |
| | tupac/bone thugs "thug love" | ] |
choices choices....who likes choices anyway?? things are just far to complicated now..but its most likly my fault. im always getting myself in to there situations. lol...cant help it. well i probly can but i dont think i want to i guess??? i dont know. lol. hmmmmmmm...i wonder how this will turn out? |
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| the beach hates me....and so much more |
[Sep. 6th, 2005|08:52 am] |
| [ | I'm feelin |
| | blank | ] |
| [ | Track spinnin |
| | nbk "down for yours" | ] |
incredibly bad news tho...i dont kno what happend but somehow jowen is about to be deported back to the philippines..im so bothered by this i spent the whole weekend trying not to think about it...because everytime i let myself think about it i panicked...i dont know what i can do. just thinking about it now has me freaking out...i cant belive this is happening...
but yeah this three day weekend was...."interesting" would be a good word for it.lol
wow...great big freakin wow.
i feel like the days just messed alltogether to make one giagantic day.
but yeah friday they got a hotel an we got drunk blah blah passed out..
saturday back to the same got drunk again passed out, lol this time tho there was like five of us all on one of the beds sleepin all cramped up..lol^^ so funny. end up almost sleepin on the birthday boy and soffocating him...lol he ok tho.
sunday meet up with them an chilled untill we left to go crabbing at the bay in md..we left like around 10 i think...but when we get there we found out the beach dont open till like 6am..lol so we stayed up the whole time waitin and drinkin and just killin time over by the bay bridge. it was ok. well actually it was "interesting" for reasons i aint gonna put out there.lol.
so yeah monday mornin we go out to the beach, i help bbq an watch them play ball in the mornin...basically all zoned out cause i aint get no sleep, was tight tho...later we tried to go crabbin but that shit was wack...aint catch shitttt..lol.o wait one of us caught 1 CRAB..lol.((there was about 25 of us that went, and only 1 freakin person actually caught a crab..lol))lol.
went to kinda put my feet in the water on the beach afterwards but got thrown in by them..lol...but when i landed in the water my knee got all scrapped up an bleedin..then i go out swimmin farther in the water and im talkin to jonny(asian one) and just as a joke i ask him what i should do if i got stung by a jellyfish, an just as i ask him my right leg got stung and im like fuck. so i start kinda half paddlin half hoppin on my good leg to the shore an jonnys all like areu sure u dont need help? and just as im like im ok my other leg got stung so now im just like damn it. and he basically dragged me back up to the sand..lol if only it ended there...well anyway i get back up there to the sand and their all goin back in the water and im like whats the odds of gettin stung again?? so i hobble back down the beach to the water an i go back out deep to float around on the bigger waves and im out there again talkin to jonny and the my arm just started feeling all like i had rolled it in some glass, and im like fuck. got stung again.!! and i look at jonny and didnt say anything and hes just laughing like "i kno u aint get stung again" kinda laugh..but i did so this time im like im gettin out before my other arm get hit too...lol.
after that i decided the beach hated me so i was gonna lay in tha sun or somthin but on the way i stepped on a big fuckin piece of chewed up gum..eww.
o well...im sure jonny had a good laugh.
the rest of the day went ok tho...but now both my legs hurt and arm feels all itchy. an since my allergies are so bad they actin up too now..o well. the weekend was actually alot of fun like i aint had in awhile so yahh for karis, and death to the jellyfish. |
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| ...dream dream dream..dreams do come true*^^* |
[Aug. 22nd, 2005|12:10 pm] |
| [ | I'm feelin |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | Track spinnin |
| | DHT | ] |
my ~*dreams*~~
1. become a doctor
2. get married and have a happy family
3. travel to korea
4.travel the world
5. die satisfied with my life
....5 will only be acomplished if 1-4 are done, or somthing simular |
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| ..oi |
[Aug. 18th, 2005|11:29 am] |
| [ | I'm feelin |
| | okay | ] |
| [ | Track spinnin |
| | "true homies" master p | ] |
..last night was sooo crazy, i thought i was going insane.
cant go in to details, but it was pretty wack...lol.
i think i called everyone on my phone list!!!!eVeRy OnE wAs SlEeP!!!!
***except tony***
lol..i think i complained to him all night. what a kawaii soilder..lol
anywayyy...feel a little bit better now tho thanx to him and sam.
hmm...so todays thursday, i feel like takin in a movie...or maybe some
noreabang?? something fun and happy.
oooo yeah i was suposed to get this tattoo earlyer this week, but my sister
fakin on it. wer gonna get "100% hapa"((hapa means mixed asian))tattoos on owr ankles..should be tight.
its gonna be my second tattoo and i think its gonna be kawaii^^
hmmm..nothing eles really new tho,
o wait! i got a second job!! at the smithsonian museam.
$$$$more moneyyy$$$$
should be good considering im basically straight broke now....i just paid for my classes
and books. and im signing up for health and dental insurance independently so thats gonna be
exspensive....o well!! its almost friiiidayyyy!! i think theres suposed to be some birthday-fun
this saturday so that should be interesting.
ok i should probly get back to the whole "work" thing now..lol
pc<3 |
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| ..so heartless |
[Aug. 12th, 2005|03:14 pm] |
| [ | I'm feelin |
| | disappointed | ] |
| [ | Track spinnin |
| | Jin "same cry" | ] |
http://www.livejournal.com/community/realhapas/1661.html
omg..you guys have to read this..i had to post to this group, i couldnt believe what he was saying...tell me what you guys think? you agree with me?
((i came across this posting while i was looking for more groups to join and just had to comment)) |
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| ..what it is to be me |
[Aug. 9th, 2005|06:04 pm] |
| [ | I'm feelin |
| | intimidated | ] |
| [ | Track spinnin |
| | DHT | ] |
OK!!.. got a second job now so im working two jobs! yayyyyy more money*^-^*
now hopfully i wount be scrapping so much..
school also starts on the 22end. so then itl be two jobs and school...this should be interesting.
..must keep working hard, so work wount seem so much like work,then life wount seem so much like life...things will get better!
::]anyway[::
i walk out my job the other day and found this by my van, it was the biggest butterfly ive ever seen..about the size of my hand from pinky tip to thumb tip a little larger. well here they are, it was crazy how big it was:
 |
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